For the past hour I have thought of what to say. I have so many things going in my mind that I can’t think of what to write down. The worst part is that this is happening after my post about writing clear single thoughts. Instead I don’t have a single clear though but fragments floating through my mind begging to be completed.
I spent all of yesterday laying on the couch motion sick. I get that way from just about anything digital, even flickering lights can do it. I feel that way again today but localized to my head. My thoughts are spinning and it dizzies me. It’s a headache that spreads across from left to right and throbs.
Of the thoughts I shared yesterday I wonder how much of them are spur of the moment. How bound are we to our current condition and to what extent does it change our understanding of the present reality? I ask these questions because yesterday I held off writing until I was feeling better, but today it’s just something I want to get out of the way so I can relax and lay down and drown out my thoughts with media. I just want to close my eyes and fall out of my body.
And I like that. I want to hold on to moments like this because they make me consider in what ways can I effect people and their senses enough to alter their experience of the world. However, I don’t find a headache alone is meaningful. There has to be a reward to suffering or (I assume) we won’t want to go through it again. I imagine it in a performance context and why I choose healing rituals and meditations instead of over stimulation or pain or even simple discomfort. I like creating an aura of hospitality to breed relationship even among strangers. I know there is much to be learnt and shared from difficulties and pain but in my life right now I would rather put out overwhelming love, warmth, or acceptance. Capital “R” Romantic notions. When I do that I think that if nothing else my audience will feel it was worth it.
Worth, value, and rewards are all big pictures that I’d like to break down further, but won’t here today. Instead I will tell you about Samuel Delany and an essay of his from the “The Jewel Hinged Jaw”. He is writing it about speculative fiction for other writers but does so in a way that makes it more widely applicable. The two thoughts I’d like to leave you with are that “ambiguity marks failure not intent” and a brief on the that in relation to reward. Readers use their mental energy on you. You have an obligation to be thoughtful of how much energy you are asking of your reader/audience in order to understand the text and deceiver it’s meaning. That is where ambiguity fits snuggly. There is a satisfactory reward in coming to understand another person’s thoughts (you don’t have to agree with them mind you.) The reward is lessened with ambiguity as failure; when is unintentional or serves no purpose it becomes a failure of communication – or at least as I understand it. Ambiguity could also mean the message is too difficult and/or not rewarding enough. Ideally, ambiguity is a clever way of allowing for multiple (rewarding) interpretations. You can say many things at once with the fewest number of words and actively engage your audience.