Table meets stairwell

Sorry about yesterday, my sister-in-law was over and Archer season 7 was on Netflix. My day was obviously consumed. Today I’ll be telling you the malagic tale of how my table got stuck in a stairwell.

The table adventures started when I said to my husband “This table is disgusting.” He shrugged. The finish had been gumming up and couldn’t be cleaned.  I waited until he left for work that day before I dismantled the table. This was trickier than I thought with it being both bigger and heavier than me. To remove the legs I stacked pillows on the chairs so the table could rest without falling on me. This was my only success of the day. I soon realized its weight and that I could only just barely lift it. Lift and shimmy was the key to moving it. Then I was at the door.

At the door I had the dumb idea to take apart the table. It turns out it doesn’t come apart. I sat on the ground pushing the table apart with my hands and feet when I suddenly notice the stops preventing me from succeeding. I give up and sit where the leaf should be. This table is too big and too heavy. I have lunch before attempting to push it back together.

Reuniting the halves was more difficult than I anticipated. I needed something to push against without wrecking the table or the thing. I chose a box of litter. I placed it against the door and used my feet to push the table. With this behind me I was sure I could manage it up the stairs. After I got it up the first two steps I was stuck in the landing. All this because I figured the table could fit vertically but then it got caught between the walls and my phone was up the stairs beyond my reach and I was in the house alone trapped in a stairwell.

Eventually I pulled it back towards myself without being maimed or crushed. The table seemed doomed to stay at the bottom of the  stairs. I worked on the leaf and as I was finishing it some of my neighbours were outside! I walked over nervously “Um… Excuse me?” They stared at me. We have never spoken before. “Could you help me move my table top?” Fortunately, they did. Unfortunately, it ate my sandpaper.

The leaf had the original finish that sanded off easily. The table might as well have been coated in bubblegum. The sandpaper clogged up and had to be replaced until I had no more. I resorted to other methods involving a knife and nail polish remover. Try as I might the coating stuck to everything especially in the heat. I took out a pallette knife and tried removing the goo only to break it and cut my finger. Next I tried dowsing the table in nail polish remover which evaporated too quickly to help. After 5 hours of this my landlord came home and I stopped for the day disgusted with the finish my in-laws had allowed on this table.

My husband was surprised to come home.

“What is the table doing outside Ange?” What a great question! when I explained what happened he just sighed. Somehow he hadn’t expected me to refinish it haha. I thought we had been married long enough. We went out for more sandpaper.

The table ate all my new sandpaper and 4 more hours of my precious life. Once I had finished and dusted off the table Boy Wonder helped me to carry it back down and reassemble it. Then came my shining moment. I mixed up my own “stains” using acrylics paints and diamond finish. I created a gorgeous walnut for the leaf and a deep red for the table! I made sure to paint while Boy Wonder was at work.

When he came home the look on his face let me know he hated the cherry. He tried to make it better by saying “On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is ‘burn it’ and 10 is ‘I love it’ the table is like a…. 4?”

That didn’t make it better.

I added a thin coat of walnut to tone down the cherry and hoped he would get used to it. I’m happy to say he has and that the table is curing for another day before it goes back to regular usage!

-See you soon!

Ange Kid

P.S. Sorry about the image. The table is super glossy so I photographed it at a weird angle. The colours are way more important to me.

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