A River Season

The best way for me to explain my views on an abstract reality are to share those life movements that altered it. I consider them river seasons:

“…a river season will last as long as it takes you to reach your new
place. If you get into the river and let it take you where you need to
be, your river season will last an afternoon. But if you fear change
and struggle and hold on to the rocks, the river season will last and
last. It will not end until your body becomes exhausted, your grip
weakens, your hands slide off the rocks and the current takes you to
your new place.”
― Andrew Kaufman, The Waterproof Bible

This single most impactful author in my life is Andrew Kaufman. All his books hit me directly in the heart and profoundly changed my world view. He is a magic realism writer, a genre I’ve found I die for, and the way he writes in relaxed everyday way makes me feel so involved. Ideas of emotional projection, empathy, change, direction and directionlessness, and the place love and passion in his works change me every time I read them.

Sample River Seasons:

Meeting Jules. Without her… *stares off into an alternate history* This woman changed my life forever. You probably know that, but I can’t say it enough.

My only option in four years of uni; Science Fiction Religion. This class changed my life in every way imaginable. I got obsessed with objects, relationships, and ritual because of this class. I reconsidered most of my firm beliefs in order to see what I actually believed vs what I simply accepted as part of a system of belief. I fell in love. I adored the class and my classmates. That prof remains one of the only people who immediately saw through my childish playful facade and challenged me. To this day he is a recurring river season.

My friendships with Posie and Eli. These fantastic women come from such opposite ends of the spectrum from me. I’ve found in getting to know them I’ve very actively and fluidly changed the way I talk, move, express affection, and think. The pattern here is the ability of close relationships to change the universe. I’ve discussed this view on reality I have with both of them and their expressions and head tilt made me laugh.

SO! I see reality as cones of vision projecting outwards detecting all the things, like this shape <. Now imagine people lined shoulder to shoulder, a small portion of their reality/vision overlaps. These are people like friends, family,strangers you talk and share with. The point is standing parallel/close creates shared reality, here is where I believe understanding and transformation take place. When I love, I’m so close to them that I begin to create more and more of a shared reality and take on many of their ideals.

The rest of the time we are going about “normal” life. Just existing. I think that by existing/talking/thinking/loving/ the way I want all reality to be I force it into existence. I embody the reality I demand to exist. If I am acting out my reality then in the moment someone sees me I become a reality. Me, the person, the way I choose to live becomes an option.

Isn’t that weird? We don’t know what we don’t know, and when confronted with alternatives we never imagined it can startling. I just think there is no concrete reality and that ideals and opinions we hold are really so fluid there’s no point to them. Simultaneously, I love them. I’m attracted to systems and understanding their function, the place they grow from, and how examining them says more about who created them than what they actually represent! Even this post. This could be a cool way of thinking OR it could be my justifications for being uncertain, changing my mind frequently, refusing to choose or commit. I dunno. It;s just my system right now and I’m sure another river season will come along and drag me somewhere else.

-Love, Ange

P.S. Next I’ll describe something I think is super neato about abstraction and art.


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