Yesterday was a dark day. I thought I should follow up promptly. I slept for 14 hours straight. No waking up to panic or think about being hungry. I just slept. Before bed I was panicking to the point of freaking out my darling husband. So we went online.
I did some autogenic training (AT) which is form of deep relaxation to help rebalance the body’s fight or flight. I have an exaggerated and overactive fight or flight response. I experience stronger feelings for longer time. The technique I used was to repeat phrases to myself. “My left arm is heavy, my right arm is heavy. Both of my arms are heavy.” Do the same for legs, then replace heavy for warm, talk about your heart and your breathing as calm and regular. It works for me. As I was doing it I remembered doing it as a wee little lass in counselling. I can’t believe I forgot about it!
Boy Wonder then did some guided meditation with me because no matter what I did I couldn’t escape the stomach pains. This one involved visualizing walking down stairs and finding peace at the bottom. When you got nervous you let yourself feel it and focused on breathing. The combined efforts of these types of exercises is to relearn that the sensation of fear doesn’t equal immediate or physical harm.
I’ll be practicing them in the coming days to keep myself managed, but there is a lot of emotional damage my husband and I have to work through. I was able to find a new counsellor in the city where I live. I’m hoping things go better this time around.
Thank you everyone for being here for me. It’s a long road ahead. If you are in need of encouragement listen to Steve Aoki and Louis Tomlinson’s “Just Hold On”. I woke up to a text from my husband suggesting I listen to this. I felt understood.
Love always, Ange