Long nights are the worst

With finishing the basement our everywhere upstairs living space is crammed. Our kitchen table hasn’t been clean since we set it up and everything is always getting moved. I cleared off a chair in the basement to have some space. Another messy fight occurred the details of which I don’t want to get into. I’m getting pretty tired of being sad.

This morning the pastor at the church I attend was talking about milestones and celebration. all the times it happened biblically and the significance. I liked his question of “how do you mark milestones?” Honestly? I get tattoos it seems. I currently have three! When I was 18 I got hitsuzen tattooed on my left wrist. It was in a manga I read and was since as the driving force of everything – y’know since it means fate/inevitability/plot. I do believe in that type of phenomena though at the time I attributed it to a sovereign God. In the 4 years since that tattoo I’ve gotten more complex about it, but basic principles still apply. The second tattoo was my husband’s name across my ribs. Talk about a bad idea – just kidding, I live with no regrets. I want to always accept and understand the younger me who held those values. I also got that at 18. (I was married at 19.)

Fast forward to this past February when I got the Green Lantern ring tattooed in place of my wedding band. In a few short weeks I’ll be getting “doubt inquiry truth” tattooed on my right wrist. I’ve mentioned the meaning behind it but for those who don’t know! An old religious scholar felt the church needed to allow people their doubts so he wrote several volumes of questions Christians should ask themselves. His beliefs can neatly be summed up that if we believe God is truth all inquiry leads to God, and therefore all doubts are fine.

The more I’ve matured and messed up the more I want to believe in that. I want to believe in a destiny we can choose or defy, to have a driving force either way guiding us to truth. To commonality.

The markers of great change, joy, grief or major change are all laid out on my body. I like it that way. I have an unorthodox approach to objects and their aliveness and tattoos are like this mashup of literal embodiment. A concept which fascinates me. I could talk endlessly about it.

As always! I love you from the bottom of my heart.

Ange Kid.

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